Beaky Briefers

"'I like your sandals.'""~Beaky Briefers, Night of the Living House Party"

Early Life
Beaky Briefers loved the game of baseball from the moment he was born. The star of his little league team, Beaky caught the attention of many spectators and coaches. He played first base for his high school team, the Livingsdale Nighthawks, and took the team to two consecutive state championships.

Major League Career
Soon after his graduation, Beaky was scouted by the Baltimore Orioles and was signed to their AAA series team, the Rochester Red Wings, in 1984. After spending two seasons in the minors, Briefers made his major league debut on June 17th, 1987.

Incident
On the 500th at-bat of Beaky's 1989 MLB season, Briefers knocked a massive home-run out of centerfield to score the win for the O's. Tragically, Briefers was rounding third base when he twisted his ankle and fell into the compacted dirt of the baseball diamond. The impact dislodged his brain stem and the Oriole's immediately placed him on the DL.

Rehabilitation
Beaky Briefers was admitted to the Livingsdale Insane Asylum in 1989. Driven mad by his lack of brain stem, Beaky was convinced that famous actor Don Cheadle had conspired against him and prevented him from winning the World Series.

On November 29th 1992, Beaky found a rusty knife and escaped the facility in an attempt to hunt down Mr. Cheadle. Coincidentally, Shigeru Dickenfart was present at the mental asylum that night in search of adrenaline supplies to thieve. Knowing that his party still required more guests, Shigeru convinced Beaky to allow himself to be sacrificed at the party by promising, in return, to kill Don Cheadle with Beaky's rookie baseball bat.

Death
As requested by Shigeru, Beaky's throat was slit on December 3rd, 1992.